Imagine a life where you call the shots. A life in balance, where you dictate how you use your time and resources. Where no one can manipulate you, or even take advantage of you. Imagine a life with healthy personal boundaries.
Boundaries are those invisible lines we draw around ourselves that keep us from harm. These are the barriers that no one can cross without our permission. Boundaries are what keeps us in control.
How do you get them? And more importantly, how do you keep them once you’ve put them in place?
1. Decide. Before you can go any further, you have to sit down and consciously make the decision that you not only deserve to have boundaries but that you need them, for the sake of your future mental and physical health. Making this decision will free you to pursue a life of change and possibilities.
2. Create. It’s time to rewrite the script. The next step is to think about the ways that you’ve been taken advantage of, and from there make a concrete list of ways in which you want to change. What are the new boundaries that you’re establishing? What do you hope to accomplish? In creating this list, you’re going to give yourself a roadmap to change.
3. Share. Once you have that list, you’re going to have to let the world in on it. Let’s face it, none of your friends or co-workers are going to be mind-readers. If you want them to respect your boundaries, then you’re going to need to let them know where they are. Will all these discussions go well? Probably not. Everyone is different, and some people have been taking advantage of you long enough not to want to change at this stage in the game, so expect some pushback.
4. Practice. Change doesn’t come overnight, and some of those behaviors you’re trying to break are likely habits by now. As with any habit, you’re not going to have success every single day, so cut yourself some slack when that happens. That’s why you need to go back and reinforce what you’re doing through constant vigilance and practice.
5. Gratitude. As you go about changing, be sure to thank those that you see making a solid effort to be supportive of your new boundaries. A little gratitude will go a long way and will help reinforce those boundaries again with the people that matter most. Keep in mind that those same people have their boundary issues. The best thanks? Respect their boundaries as you would have them respect yours.
6. Relax. Remember to not only have a certain amount of flexibility for when things go wrong, but you’re also going to need to have a great deal of patience as you explore these new boundaries and get them set firmly in place.
Most of all, you’ve got to believe you can do it. We tend to set ourselves up for success or failure entirely by the attitudes that we embrace. If you want to establish and stick to healthy boundaries, you need the sincere faith of an individual who knows you will succeed. Yep, you’ve got this!